For Better or for Worse

When Chris and I married, we promised "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse..." The "better" part is easy. But my beautiful husband excels during the "worse" times.

Like today.

I have such mixed feelings about IVF. I love it because it gave us Evie. I hate it because it's stressful and painful and humiliating. The main reason I've been putting off another cycle is the anxiety about having a hysteroscopy. When I had this test before, I was completely unprepared for how painful, and frankly how just plain gross, the procedure is. It was certainly the worst part of my entire IVF experience.

But so worth it for another baby. We met with Dr. Witten again a few days before Christmas. It was actually a nice visit. Dr. Witten is so very compassionate and understanding, and it was fun to see him interact with Evie. Plus, he said that my pregnancy had been without complication, so we probably wouldn't even have to do the hysteroscopy. Yippe!

Imagine what a letdown it was when a nurse called while we were in Atlanta and scheduled the damn test. I cried, of course, and Chris hugged me tight. Dr. Witten ordered anesthesia, so I would be asleep this time, but I was still sick about the whole thing. My first instinct is to sleep during stressful times, so I've been tired and emotional for the past week. But Chris didn't tire of me talking about how nervous I was. He listened patiently and gently encouraged me things would be okay. He joked with me. He reminded me of the payoff - hope for another perfect miracle baby.

The test was today, and I was on the verge of tears the entire morning. I knew at any moment I was going to lose it - I blinked back tears and tried to keep my voice from catching. And I was mean to Chris. Everthing he said was irritating. He never snapped back at me, not a single time.

We dropped Evie off with GaGa (who I was also mean to - sorry Mom,) and fought our way through terrible traffic to the doctor's office. Once I was there, I calmed down considerably. A nurse took me to change into a lovely and oh-so-modest gown and to start my IV. And then they sent Chris in to be with me. He was the sweetest sight.

Dr. Witten broke the rules and invited Chris in for the procedure. Although I fell asleep immediately, it helped to have my husband there. I love him so much for staying in the room, even though he was in the way and I'm sure he didn't want to see the whole thing.

And then I woke up. Chris was waiting by the bed, and laughed when I repeated the same questions because I was disoriented from the anesthesia. He's been so caring and gentle with me all day, getting me warm coffee and looking after Evie.

Chris' unconditional love is the greatest blessing in my life.

So now I'm through the very worst physical part. For those of you who want more information, here's a brief schedule:
> Jan 21st - start injections to make my body produce a lot of eggs.
>Week of Feb 9th - anesthesia again, when they remove the eggs and fertilize them. The embryos will grow in a quiet place for a few days, then they'll put them into my uterus.
>First week of March - hopefully an announcement that I'm pregnant!