Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009


When I was pregnant with Ethan, I had a lot of heartburn. It's the most annoying thing to have heartburn after you eat a bowl of cereal or an apple. But I had it, and I took a lot of Tums.

Evie is obsessed with Tums now. I even took an empty container and filled it with candy Spree, so she would be able to "pretend" to have heartburn. (I know, we are just crazy in this house!)

It's still not enough. She wants the real thing, and will do just about anything to get it.

Evie: I can't wait to get married.
Me: Really? That's a long time away.
Evie: But then I will be able to reach the Tums when I need them.

Evie: When I have a baby, I'm not going to the hospital.
Me: Oh, no?
Evie: No. I will just stay home and take some Tums.

If only we could solve our problems with antacids, the world would be a much easier place...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Off Course

So what have I been doing the past few days since we returned home? Besides cuddling and cooing and not sleeping? Well, I've been trying to breastfeed.

And, oh, I've been having the hardest time!

I remember rough patches with Evie. Waiting for my milk to come in, trying to get her to wake up for feedings, the whole milk/soy thing... But the relationship we had during our nursing sessions made it all worthwhile. I loved the whole thing, and breastfed her for 20 months. It's an accomplishment I'm still very proud of.

Ethan is a different story, though. Just hours after he was born, he was in the NICU with jaundice. It was important to get him eating right away, to rid his body of bilirubin. So I agreed to supplement his feedings with formula. And he drank a LOT of formula! The nurses were all impressed with his appetite, and everyone was happy when he started getting better.

But all the bottles have caused me problems. I can't get him to latch on. I worked with a lactation consultant at the hospital, and she gave me lots of tips. I was so enthusiastic at first, but after so many days of Ethan refusing to nurse, after days of trying everything I could think of, of calls to several lactation consultants, of pumping around the clock to protect my milk supply, of more tears than you can imagine, after nipple shields and dripping syringes of breastmilk, and countless pleads to Ethan to JUST LATCH ON, I am done.

It makes me so sad. This is never something I even considered. Bottle feeding just wasn't in my plans at all. However, here I am.

Talking with Ethan's pediatrician last night made me feel so much better. Really, there's not much more I can do to encourage him to nurse. And it's not a choice I made for him - he made it for me.

The new plan is to pump a few times during the day and feed him that milk from a bottle. His other feedings will be formula. And I'll cuddle him often, wear him in a sling, sing to him, and kiss his little head so he still feels nurtured. It's a compromise I never wanted to make, although I'm becoming more accepting as time goes by.

But it sure feels like failure.

Friday, November 6, 2009


Yahoo! We're just waiting on the paperwork to be completed, and we're on our way home!

Little Boy Blue

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Long Story, Short

Ethan is still beautiful, but life is not.

In the wee hours of Monday morning, Ethan's billirubin levels shot up dramatically. Like, enough to wake his pediatritan in the dead of night and get him admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

His levels have stablized, thanks to constant light therapy. But they are still way too high, so although I have been discharged, I am rooming in with Ethan at the hospital.

His doctors are unsure of what caused such a rapid rise, but it is most likely a maternal blood incompatibilty issue or some kind of rare genetic thing. In any situation, the outcome is good, and we are thankful for that.

The hardest thing is that we cannot hold him, since he has to be under the lights contantly. Evie is home, while Chris and I are not. This is certainly not the way I imagined our family life would start out.

Everything should calm down in the next few days, and we hope to go home soon. Ethan will probably remain on 24/7 light therapy for awhile there, but at least we will all be together. And that will be the start of something very, very good.

Monday, November 2, 2009

More Photos of Ethan

Ethan Ambrose

Ethan arrived, after an easy delivery, at 6:37 PM this evening. He looks just like Chris, in miniature. He weighs 7 lbs, 5 oz and is 20 in long.

I am already in love.

More to come in the morning...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sunday Morning

So right now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed, pitocin dripping into my veins. I'm comfortable. And so very excited.

I keep looking down toward my belly. Ethan must also be excited, because his movement is causing my gown to ripple and move. His heartbeat is a steady sound in the background, along with ESPN on television. Already Chris is immersing our baby boy in football!

The sun is shining through the blinds, and a ray of light has fallen on the baby bed Ethan will soon rest in. I keep looking over, imagining him there. Not much longer, but the anticipation is killing me!

All the struggles to have another baby are about to pay off. God provides His light in every difficult situation. So now we wait to meet our son. We wait for this next wonderful change to our lives. And we thank God, again, for answering our prayers.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name