Tuesday, January 6, 2009

For Better or for Worse

When Chris and I married, we promised "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse..." The "better" part is easy. But my beautiful husband excels during the "worse" times.

Like today.

I have such mixed feelings about IVF. I love it because it gave us Evie. I hate it because it's stressful and painful and humiliating. The main reason I've been putting off another cycle is the anxiety about having a hysteroscopy. When I had this test before, I was completely unprepared for how painful, and frankly how just plain gross, the procedure is. It was certainly the worst part of my entire IVF experience.

But so worth it for another baby. We met with Dr. Witten again a few days before Christmas. It was actually a nice visit. Dr. Witten is so very compassionate and understanding, and it was fun to see him interact with Evie. Plus, he said that my pregnancy had been without complication, so we probably wouldn't even have to do the hysteroscopy. Yippe!

Imagine what a letdown it was when a nurse called while we were in Atlanta and scheduled the damn test. I cried, of course, and Chris hugged me tight. Dr. Witten ordered anesthesia, so I would be asleep this time, but I was still sick about the whole thing. My first instinct is to sleep during stressful times, so I've been tired and emotional for the past week. But Chris didn't tire of me talking about how nervous I was. He listened patiently and gently encouraged me things would be okay. He joked with me. He reminded me of the payoff - hope for another perfect miracle baby.

The test was today, and I was on the verge of tears the entire morning. I knew at any moment I was going to lose it - I blinked back tears and tried to keep my voice from catching. And I was mean to Chris. Everthing he said was irritating. He never snapped back at me, not a single time.

We dropped Evie off with GaGa (who I was also mean to - sorry Mom,) and fought our way through terrible traffic to the doctor's office. Once I was there, I calmed down considerably. A nurse took me to change into a lovely and oh-so-modest gown and to start my IV. And then they sent Chris in to be with me. He was the sweetest sight.

Dr. Witten broke the rules and invited Chris in for the procedure. Although I fell asleep immediately, it helped to have my husband there. I love him so much for staying in the room, even though he was in the way and I'm sure he didn't want to see the whole thing.

And then I woke up. Chris was waiting by the bed, and laughed when I repeated the same questions because I was disoriented from the anesthesia. He's been so caring and gentle with me all day, getting me warm coffee and looking after Evie.

Chris' unconditional love is the greatest blessing in my life.

So now I'm through the very worst physical part. For those of you who want more information, here's a brief schedule:
> Jan 21st - start injections to make my body produce a lot of eggs.
>Week of Feb 9th - anesthesia again, when they remove the eggs and fertilize them. The embryos will grow in a quiet place for a few days, then they'll put them into my uterus.
>First week of March - hopefully an announcement that I'm pregnant!


Heather said...

::hands you your favorite coffee and some chocolate::


I think sometimes getting pregnant gets taken for granted. I have never known what all was involved with IVF.

Bless your heart...

Got my fingers crossed for March!!!!

Jenn Britton said...

Sarah - You've been in my thoughts all day! I'm so happy for you that the worst is over! :) Hang in there!


Judy Malpiedi said...

Sarah, you will get through this. Please let us help you in any way you can think of in the next few weeks. Juliana and Evie had a great time together today with GaGa. We have TWO tutu's and the girls were having a very girly morning without the boys. All my best to you and Chris.

Stam House said...

oh this is so exiting!!! will be praying for a positive outcome!

Fiona said...

Your love and respect for your husband is so inspiring.

We'll be hoping to hear good news in March, and hoping for you to sail through the rest of the process in the next few weeks.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy to hear that the worst of it is over and you made it through fine. I am very excited for you guys and I will keep you in my prayers.

Jen said...

I wish you lots of luck and prayers!

Scarlet O'Kara said...

Oh honey...I wish that I could reach into this computer and hug you right now...

Many prayers for a wonderful Spring-time announcement!

Raquita said...

Don't know why you were on my mindthis week, I guess this would be a good set of reasons,
I am glad you are letting us all tag along with you! You are a very lucky woman to have such a good husband and your family is lucky to have you too!

Momma said...

I wish I could jump on over there and give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok. But since I can't, it is good to hear your hubby is so wonderful. Someone to be strong when you just can't.

I am glad I read about what a hysteroscopy is after you had it done. and I am really glad you were asleep. :)

We are all praying for you!! anxiously awaiting March!

Rachel said...

I'm proud of you for going through with a procedure you were so afraid of. I have a special hug reserved for you.


PS. I'm also proud of Chris for being such a super husband and father. I can only imagine what that woman at trivia night would say after reading this post! ;)

the voice of melody said...

Glad your hubby has been so helpful and loving during this difficult time. He sounds like a very sweet guy.

Hang in there! {hugs}

Anonymous said...

Wishing you guys the best of luck. *Lisa

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Oh, honey, I honestly had no idea what all is involved with this procedure. Praying so hard for you right now that you will have the results that you are hoping for in March.

Janelle said...

Come quickly, March. I hope all your dreams come true.

You are a delightful lady. I have loved reading about this journey.


Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Being fertilty-challenged sucks! I didn't have to go as far as IVF, but 2 of my closest friends did. One got pregnant at our awesome clinic in Macon,GA & one in Atlanta.

I'm looking forward to your announcement in March!!!