I haven't been myself lately. Post-holiday blues and pre-IVF jitters do not make for a happy Sarah. It's not that I don't find joy each day - because I certainly do - but I've just felt "off." Less peppy and kind of dull.
But Friday dawned as a beautiful day here in St. Louis. It was bright and sunny, and best of all it was going to be over 50 degrees. Perfect park weather.
Rachel and I packed up Evie, a tricycle, a wagon, two blankets, and a picnic lunch. We met up with my mom and the kids and headed to the park. We had so much fun! Evie loves the swings, so we spent a lot of time there at first. She is such a brave girl! I pushed her as high as my heart could take, and still she begged "More push! More swinging!" I finally coaxed her from the swings by promising to go on a walk. We all strolled around the park's historic 1800's village, peeking in windows and laying claim to different homes. After our walk we sat down to a picnic, and then made our way back to the playground for "Slide! More sliding!"
I don't know if it was the sunshine or the company, but I felt lighter. The sun warmed my face. Seeing the kids play warmed my heart. Talking with my sister and my mom warmed my soul. My "I'm blessed" feeling came back - the feeling that I am so blessed to live this life. What's not to love, right? Sitting in the sun eating pita sandwiches and blackberries and chips. With my best girls. On a Friday afternoon in January. Blessed for sure.
And the feeling has lasted. I still have this big challenge in front of me. After all the work, will I be pregnant? Will I be okay if I'm not? I have realized (again) that I have enough, no matter what happens. Sure, I want more children. But Evie really, truly is enough. She is a miracle and her sweet face and happy spirit are plenty for me. My strong, kind, loving husband is enough. My mom and dad and sisters and brother are enough. My friends (in the bloggy world and beyond) are enough. My God, always here with me when times are hard, is enough.
Friday, I felt the sun in my soul. Mr. Weatherman, it was just what the doctor ordered.
5 hours ago