Evie has had a million "blogworthy" moments lately. She keeps pointing out things that "make her crazy." My car radio makes her crazy, but not the radio in Daddy's car. Green Tootsie Rolls make her crazy. Too many papers on the table and not being able to use my cell phone her "own self" makes her crazy.
She's also so over the color blue. It was her favorite a few weeks ago, but now she insists on pink. Last night she begged for pink ice cream from Maggie Moos, NOT BLUE ICE CREAM. I said to Chris "Oh, blue is so last month," and Evie said "Blue is out!"
You see, I have much to blog about. But instead I've been spending far to much time watching television. And worrying.
I'm in that part of pregnancy when you're bone-tired. All the time. And I have a lot of nausea. So I'm not feeling well most of the day. Plus, I've been anxious about our new baby-to-be. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy we have this blessing. But I love our life now. Am I about to mess it up? With more than one child, will I become one of those crazed mothers who can't get out the door? Will I ever be able to have a quiet cup of coffee again? Read a book? Take a shower?
Mostly, I am apprehensive about my heart. Evelyn is my everything, and I could not love her more. She owns my entire heart. So I worry I won't possibly be able to love this baby as much. Can I? It keeps me awake at night, the pressure already that this second baby will know it's not loved as much as it's big sister.
But I had an ultrasound Tuesday morning. On that screen, I saw my baby's heart beating for the first time. Beat-beat-beat-beat-beat. And a tear slipped out the corner of my eye. My heart swelled with love, and I realized my heart has been growing along with the baby's. It's big enough to love two children.
7 hours ago