I'm an Aunt

I have two nephews and a niece on Chris' side. They are beautiful, sweet children, and I love them dearly.

But there is news from my side of the family. My sister Rachel and her husband Jyoti are adopting this puppy. We all know: First comes love, then comes marriage, then a dog, then a baby carriage. Right?

No pressure, Rachel. I'm going to love being Auntie Sarah to Raja for now.

Motherhood is a Bittersweet Symphony

It was just yesterday that I was pregnant, and decided to breastfeed. I took a class about nursing, where the lactation consultant painted a rosy picture of breastfeeding. Although she made it sound nice, I was truly terrified. I was more nervous about breastfeeding than I was about labor and delivery. Seriously. I mean, people were going to see my BREASTS!

But I knew the benefits for Evie and myself, so I decided to try it. No pressure, I would nurse as long as I could. I hoped to make it six months or even (gasp) a year. I didn't really have a firm goal because I didn't want to disappoint myself if it didn't work out. I was just going to see what happened.

Well, the first time I nursed Evie, it was a miracle. She had just been born, and she put her little mouth to my breast and ACTUALLY NURSED! I couldn't believe it! There I was, a MOM WHO WAS NURSING HER BABY! Later, Evie's pediatrician casually mentioned I could supplement with formula until my milk came in, but I dismissed him. I could feed her just fine myself, thanks.

And then the day I was leaving the hospital, the baby blues set in. I know hormones played a big part in my breakdown, as did sleep deprivation and just not knowing anything about caring for this little creature. Evie was hungry, and she was mad. She cried and cried and her nurse nicely suggested we should think about supplementing with formula. But what about nipple confusion and my milk supply? I was paralyzed with indecision. I felt like a failure as a mother already. My body was not doing what it was supposed to -- it was leaving my precious girl hungry!

After a good cry and a visit with the lactation consultant, I felt better. I would give her tiny sips of formula and nurse like crazy until my milk came in. Evie's reaction was my first clue to her temperament. She wanted to eat! We all had a terrible first night at home - me and my hormones, my hungry baby, and poor Chris. The next morning we visited the pediatrician and he ordered us to give her a bottle. Evie sucked it down in minutes and fell into the most peaceful sleep. Right then, we decided to supplement until my milk finally came in.

Just hours later, I was nursing Evie and I heard her swallow! My milk was finally here! Evie had a 24/7 buffet, and often fell asleep while eating. I remember our nursing sessions would take forever. She would nurse for 45 minutes, be alert for 15 minutes or so, sleep for half an hour and wake up hungry! A week or so went by and things settled into a nice routine.

Then I noticed something odd. Evie would nurse for a few minutes and then begin to fuss. She often had this little cough, too. It turned out to be reflux. I had never heard of this, but her doctor assured us it was common and gave us a prescription.

Then she started having bloody diapers. This freaked me out. The reflux wasn't under control yet, and now this. Evie was non-stop crying. I was going crazy. We spent her one-month birthday in the Emergency Room, where they gave her a different RX for her reflux and diagnosed her with Milk Protein Intolerance. I was under orders to cut dairy from my diet and see if her condition improved.

A week later, things weren't much better, so our pediatrician referred us to a Pediatric Gastrointerologist. After speaking with us for a couple minutes, Dr. Brady increased Evie's reflux medicine and diagnosed a Cow's Milk and Soy Protein Intolerance. She suggested I change to formula and I actually cried. Okay, I could still breastfeed, but she warned it would be tough. No eating out, and I had to read food labels to watch for dairy and soy. Trader Joe's was my savior.

Even though the diet was restrictive, nursing was great. It was so nice to have these quiet, snuggly times with Evie. We would settle in with the Boppy, and I would stroke her face as she drank. I would sing to her and I always felt such warmth. I felt like a mother. I noticed how she grew taller and taller. Her feet began to hang off the Boppy. She grew more hair. She even asked to nurse!

Right after her first birthday, I reintroduced dairy and soy and Evie did great. Even though she could drink cow's milk now, too, we both still liked nursing. And so we've gone on and on. I've been waiting for Evie to naturally want to stop, but here she is at almost 20 months, and she still finds it comforting.

But I want another baby. I'd like to stop breastfeeding a few months before we embark on another IVF Adventure this winter. Um, that means it's time to shut down the milk factory. So I cut out our morning feeding a few months ago. Then I stopped our middle-of-the-night sessions about a week ago. Evie would ask to nurse, and I would ask if she'd like a drink of water. (It also helped that I let her sleep in our bed.) It was pretty easy. Then last night she just skipped her bedtime session. I hid the Boppy, and this afternoon, she didn't ask to nurse before her nap.

I decided that was it. I had two margaritas after dinner, and it felt nice. Evie didn't ask to nurse before bed tonight, either. And so this part of our relationship is over.

I'm glad to have my body back, but I am so sad tonight! I feel guilty that I rushed this change, but I also feel proud to have nursed her for so long. I am a more confident woman than I was 20 months ago, and being a nursing mom greatly contributed to that. Evie and I have a bond that was encouraged each time we snuggled close to breastfeed. And I know I'll still think of her little body, stretched out across the Boppy, nestled into me. And I'll love those memories.

A Fish Called Pablo

Pablo is supposed to be a turtle.

When Evie's turtle infatuation was at its peak, we visited a local pet store. As luck would have it, among the fish and birds and hamsters we saw that day, they had a tortoise. A girl who worked there brought it out, and Evie had a lot of fun playing with him. She touched it and just shrieked with happiness. I told the girl we would take him, and then remembered to ask how much he was.

PetSmart Girl: Ninety-nine.
Me: Dollars?
PetSmart Girl: Yes, ninety-nine dollars.
Me: Really? For a turtle?
PetSmart Girl: It's a tortoise. And they live for fifty years.

I had to pass. Seriously, ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for a TURTLE? Can't you catch those things on the trail by our house? Plus I started thinking I don't want a pet I had to commit to for half a century.

We left without the turtle, but I was busy thinking of a replacement. Evie likes fish, too. (Although not as much as she like turtles.) She likes to swim like a fish and give fish-kisses. And fish are only a couple bucks, so we headed back to the pet store today.

We bought a little red beta and I set up his fish bowl while Evie was napping. I showed her the fish when she woke up, and she was so excited! We named him Pablo and when Chris came home she kept shouting "Pablo!" At dinnertime, she kept yelling his name and gesturing for him to come to the table. That is one trend I am not about to start, but after we finished eating, I let her feed the fish. She dropped in the teeny tiny pellet and Pablo swam to the top and gobbled it up. She kept yelling "Eat!"

A funny thing is she doesn't understand why Pablo can't come out of the bowl. Evie really wanted him to come outside this evening. It took a long time to convince her he had to stay inside. She also wanted him "Out!" of the bowl when she was going to take a bath.

Someone help me. How do I explain this to a one year old?

In the meantime, I guess my new mission is just to keep him in the bowl!

Wordless Wednesday

More DIY Toddler Toys

Do It Yourself - Toddler Toys

GaGa and I took Evie to a Parents as Teachers fair last Friday. If you aren't familiar with PAT, you should check it out. It's an organization run by local school districts and it helps parents understand what to expect during each phase of their child's development.

We've been involved with PAT since Evie was born. Barbara, our Parent Educator, visits several times each year. She encourages us that Evie is developing appropriately, and tells us different toys, games, and songs that are suitable for her age. PAT also hosts workshops in our area. This fall we'll be attending fun things like Babies in the Barnyard, Push Pull & Carry, Just Me and My Dad, Let's Make Music, Cars Trucks & Things That Go, and Gym Night.

Evie had a great time when we visited the fair. We were there for almost two hours, and could have stayed even longer! It amazed me that there are so many toys and activities you can MAKE for your child!

Evie stacked rings on cones, fished balls out of water with a net and dropped them into buckets, fit lids from frozen juice cans into a hole cut into a plastic coffee can, dropped shower curtain rings into an empty Pringles can, pushed straws into a Parmesan cheese container, and batted a beach ball with a paper-plate-paddle. Each of these activities kept her busy for quite awhile!

Fun, easy, and cheap! I'm planning to make several of these toys for our house!

Beeba!

So Evie loves The Backyardigans.

It's a cute show. During each episode, the characters take an imaginative adventure. Uniqua, Pablo, Tyrone, Tasha, and Austin sing and dance their way through each expedition. It's cute, that is, until it consumes your child.

You would never guess how much The Backyardigans comes up at our house. She asks to watch the show on television. She has several Backyardigans sippy cups that she prefers over all others. But the worst part is "Beeba."

Evie, who usually wakes up and snuggles, instead demanded "Beeba" first thing after her nap the other day. "Beeba" is Evie-speak for her very favorite song - "Almost Everything is Boinga."

I used to like Boinga. Alicia Keys sings the song with the rest of the cast, and it's catchy. You can dance to it, and the words are fun. That was before it became the constant soundtrack to our lives.

It started slowly. We used to listen to Born to Play (a CD of Backyardigans songs) in the car. It was great because she loved being in the car. Running errands suddenly became much easier. But Evie soon realized that she didn't have to listen to the entire CD. She began to shout "More!" each time Boinga ended. And so everytime we are in the car, we listen to Boinga over and over and over.

Then Evie discovered we could listen to Boinga on the computer. She randomly yells "Beeba!" when we're in the vicinity of the kitchen, hoping I will appease her. Usually I do, and so Boinga plays much of the time we're cooking or eating.

Yesterday, Daddy burned a copy of the CD so Evie could listen in her room. And so now Boinga is on repeat in that room, too.

I think this is payback. I remember being obsessed with Will You Marry Me, Boy? by Paula Abdul when I was younger. My mom threatened to break the CD if she heard it one more time. Huh, this is one more thing I understand better about my mother. The whole "Wait till you have kids!" thing is just so true...