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Favorite Part Of The Day
1 day ago
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I'm Her Favorite!
This morning I clipped Evie's fingernails. Since birth, this has been one of her least favorite activities. Being the good mommy that I am, I've discovered a way to distract her a bit and make things easier. As I clip, I name each finger and say "Clip, clip, clip." Her fingers are very originally named "Thumb, Pointer, Tall Man, Ring Man, and Pinkie."
As I was naming her precious little fingers today, she kept yelling "Tall Man!" Finally, I asked "Is Tall Man your favorite?" Evie said "No, Pablo!" "Oh," I said "Is Pablo your favorite?" And she replied "No, Mommy favorite!"
I'm her favorite. My heart is in a puddle on the floor.
As I was naming her precious little fingers today, she kept yelling "Tall Man!" Finally, I asked "Is Tall Man your favorite?" Evie said "No, Pablo!" "Oh," I said "Is Pablo your favorite?" And she replied "No, Mommy favorite!"
I'm her favorite. My heart is in a puddle on the floor.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sunshine
I haven't been myself lately. Post-holiday blues and pre-IVF jitters do not make for a happy Sarah. It's not that I don't find joy each day - because I certainly do - but I've just felt "off." Less peppy and kind of dull.
But Friday dawned as a beautiful day here in St. Louis. It was bright and sunny, and best of all it was going to be over 50 degrees. Perfect park weather.
Rachel and I packed up Evie, a tricycle, a wagon, two blankets, and a picnic lunch. We met up with my mom and the kids and headed to the park. We had so much fun! Evie loves the swings, so we spent a lot of time there at first. She is such a brave girl! I pushed her as high as my heart could take, and still she begged "More push! More swinging!" I finally coaxed her from the swings by promising to go on a walk. We all strolled around the park's historic 1800's village, peeking in windows and laying claim to different homes. After our walk we sat down to a picnic, and then made our way back to the playground for "Slide! More sliding!"
I don't know if it was the sunshine or the company, but I felt lighter. The sun warmed my face. Seeing the kids play warmed my heart. Talking with my sister and my mom warmed my soul. My "I'm blessed" feeling came back - the feeling that I am so blessed to live this life. What's not to love, right? Sitting in the sun eating pita sandwiches and blackberries and chips. With my best girls. On a Friday afternoon in January. Blessed for sure.
And the feeling has lasted. I still have this big challenge in front of me. After all the work, will I be pregnant? Will I be okay if I'm not? I have realized (again) that I have enough, no matter what happens. Sure, I want more children. But Evie really, truly is enough. She is a miracle and her sweet face and happy spirit are plenty for me. My strong, kind, loving husband is enough. My mom and dad and sisters and brother are enough. My friends (in the bloggy world and beyond) are enough. My God, always here with me when times are hard, is enough.
Friday, I felt the sun in my soul. Mr. Weatherman, it was just what the doctor ordered.
But Friday dawned as a beautiful day here in St. Louis. It was bright and sunny, and best of all it was going to be over 50 degrees. Perfect park weather.
Rachel and I packed up Evie, a tricycle, a wagon, two blankets, and a picnic lunch. We met up with my mom and the kids and headed to the park. We had so much fun! Evie loves the swings, so we spent a lot of time there at first. She is such a brave girl! I pushed her as high as my heart could take, and still she begged "More push! More swinging!" I finally coaxed her from the swings by promising to go on a walk. We all strolled around the park's historic 1800's village, peeking in windows and laying claim to different homes. After our walk we sat down to a picnic, and then made our way back to the playground for "Slide! More sliding!"
I don't know if it was the sunshine or the company, but I felt lighter. The sun warmed my face. Seeing the kids play warmed my heart. Talking with my sister and my mom warmed my soul. My "I'm blessed" feeling came back - the feeling that I am so blessed to live this life. What's not to love, right? Sitting in the sun eating pita sandwiches and blackberries and chips. With my best girls. On a Friday afternoon in January. Blessed for sure.
And the feeling has lasted. I still have this big challenge in front of me. After all the work, will I be pregnant? Will I be okay if I'm not? I have realized (again) that I have enough, no matter what happens. Sure, I want more children. But Evie really, truly is enough. She is a miracle and her sweet face and happy spirit are plenty for me. My strong, kind, loving husband is enough. My mom and dad and sisters and brother are enough. My friends (in the bloggy world and beyond) are enough. My God, always here with me when times are hard, is enough.
Friday, I felt the sun in my soul. Mr. Weatherman, it was just what the doctor ordered.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Just Imagine
Evie's imagination has kicked into high gear lately, and it's so very fun to watch.
For instance, the other day she reached over and pointed, saying "Gum. Right there." I looked and there was no gum - at least no real gum. She plucked it up and chewed away. Then she handed it to me and said "Little bit, Mommy." See, she's getting better at sharing!
Evie was in the bathtub later and I noticed her cup some water in her hand and rub her fingers in it. She squinted up her eyes and proceeded to poke her finger repeatedly into her closed eyes. I asked her what she was doing and she explained "Contacts." Since Chris and I both have terrible vision, I knew this day was coming. I just didn't expect to have a two-year-old in contacts...
But the best was a few nights ago. Evie was sitting at the end of our bed, facing the footboard. She kept yelling "Boat! Boat!" and insisted that her little stuffed Pablo sit next to her. I finally asked her to get out of the boat since it was close to bedtime. She slid off the bed and said "Water!" I was confused for a second - was she looking for her sippy cup of water? So, exasperated, I asked "What water? Where?" Then she pointed at the floor and said "Right there!" Bells went off, and I understood she was pretending to be in water outside the boat. I encouraged her to "swim" into the kitchen, and she slithered all the way on her belly!
When she was playing "boat" again this morning, I called her "Captain." All day, any time I address her as Evie, she chimes in with "Captain." She may not be the captain of a real ship, but she is the captain of my heart.
For instance, the other day she reached over and pointed, saying "Gum. Right there." I looked and there was no gum - at least no real gum. She plucked it up and chewed away. Then she handed it to me and said "Little bit, Mommy." See, she's getting better at sharing!
Evie was in the bathtub later and I noticed her cup some water in her hand and rub her fingers in it. She squinted up her eyes and proceeded to poke her finger repeatedly into her closed eyes. I asked her what she was doing and she explained "Contacts." Since Chris and I both have terrible vision, I knew this day was coming. I just didn't expect to have a two-year-old in contacts...
But the best was a few nights ago. Evie was sitting at the end of our bed, facing the footboard. She kept yelling "Boat! Boat!" and insisted that her little stuffed Pablo sit next to her. I finally asked her to get out of the boat since it was close to bedtime. She slid off the bed and said "Water!" I was confused for a second - was she looking for her sippy cup of water? So, exasperated, I asked "What water? Where?" Then she pointed at the floor and said "Right there!" Bells went off, and I understood she was pretending to be in water outside the boat. I encouraged her to "swim" into the kitchen, and she slithered all the way on her belly!
When she was playing "boat" again this morning, I called her "Captain." All day, any time I address her as Evie, she chimes in with "Captain." She may not be the captain of a real ship, but she is the captain of my heart.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
For Better or for Worse
When Chris and I married, we promised "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse..." The "better" part is easy. But my beautiful husband excels during the "worse" times.
Like today.
I have such mixed feelings about IVF. I love it because it gave us Evie. I hate it because it's stressful and painful and humiliating. The main reason I've been putting off another cycle is the anxiety about having a hysteroscopy. When I had this test before, I was completely unprepared for how painful, and frankly how just plain gross, the procedure is. It was certainly the worst part of my entire IVF experience.
But so worth it for another baby. We met with Dr. Witten again a few days before Christmas. It was actually a nice visit. Dr. Witten is so very compassionate and understanding, and it was fun to see him interact with Evie. Plus, he said that my pregnancy had been without complication, so we probably wouldn't even have to do the hysteroscopy. Yippe!
Imagine what a letdown it was when a nurse called while we were in Atlanta and scheduled the damn test. I cried, of course, and Chris hugged me tight. Dr. Witten ordered anesthesia, so I would be asleep this time, but I was still sick about the whole thing. My first instinct is to sleep during stressful times, so I've been tired and emotional for the past week. But Chris didn't tire of me talking about how nervous I was. He listened patiently and gently encouraged me things would be okay. He joked with me. He reminded me of the payoff - hope for another perfect miracle baby.
The test was today, and I was on the verge of tears the entire morning. I knew at any moment I was going to lose it - I blinked back tears and tried to keep my voice from catching. And I was mean to Chris. Everthing he said was irritating. He never snapped back at me, not a single time.
We dropped Evie off with GaGa (who I was also mean to - sorry Mom,) and fought our way through terrible traffic to the doctor's office. Once I was there, I calmed down considerably. A nurse took me to change into a lovely and oh-so-modest gown and to start my IV. And then they sent Chris in to be with me. He was the sweetest sight.
Dr. Witten broke the rules and invited Chris in for the procedure. Although I fell asleep immediately, it helped to have my husband there. I love him so much for staying in the room, even though he was in the way and I'm sure he didn't want to see the whole thing.
And then I woke up. Chris was waiting by the bed, and laughed when I repeated the same questions because I was disoriented from the anesthesia. He's been so caring and gentle with me all day, getting me warm coffee and looking after Evie.
Chris' unconditional love is the greatest blessing in my life.
So now I'm through the very worst physical part. For those of you who want more information, here's a brief schedule:
> Jan 21st - start injections to make my body produce a lot of eggs.
>Week of Feb 9th - anesthesia again, when they remove the eggs and fertilize them. The embryos will grow in a quiet place for a few days, then they'll put them into my uterus.
>First week of March - hopefully an announcement that I'm pregnant!
Like today.
I have such mixed feelings about IVF. I love it because it gave us Evie. I hate it because it's stressful and painful and humiliating. The main reason I've been putting off another cycle is the anxiety about having a hysteroscopy. When I had this test before, I was completely unprepared for how painful, and frankly how just plain gross, the procedure is. It was certainly the worst part of my entire IVF experience.
But so worth it for another baby. We met with Dr. Witten again a few days before Christmas. It was actually a nice visit. Dr. Witten is so very compassionate and understanding, and it was fun to see him interact with Evie. Plus, he said that my pregnancy had been without complication, so we probably wouldn't even have to do the hysteroscopy. Yippe!
Imagine what a letdown it was when a nurse called while we were in Atlanta and scheduled the damn test. I cried, of course, and Chris hugged me tight. Dr. Witten ordered anesthesia, so I would be asleep this time, but I was still sick about the whole thing. My first instinct is to sleep during stressful times, so I've been tired and emotional for the past week. But Chris didn't tire of me talking about how nervous I was. He listened patiently and gently encouraged me things would be okay. He joked with me. He reminded me of the payoff - hope for another perfect miracle baby.
The test was today, and I was on the verge of tears the entire morning. I knew at any moment I was going to lose it - I blinked back tears and tried to keep my voice from catching. And I was mean to Chris. Everthing he said was irritating. He never snapped back at me, not a single time.
We dropped Evie off with GaGa (who I was also mean to - sorry Mom,) and fought our way through terrible traffic to the doctor's office. Once I was there, I calmed down considerably. A nurse took me to change into a lovely and oh-so-modest gown and to start my IV. And then they sent Chris in to be with me. He was the sweetest sight.
Dr. Witten broke the rules and invited Chris in for the procedure. Although I fell asleep immediately, it helped to have my husband there. I love him so much for staying in the room, even though he was in the way and I'm sure he didn't want to see the whole thing.
And then I woke up. Chris was waiting by the bed, and laughed when I repeated the same questions because I was disoriented from the anesthesia. He's been so caring and gentle with me all day, getting me warm coffee and looking after Evie.
Chris' unconditional love is the greatest blessing in my life.
So now I'm through the very worst physical part. For those of you who want more information, here's a brief schedule:
> Jan 21st - start injections to make my body produce a lot of eggs.
>Week of Feb 9th - anesthesia again, when they remove the eggs and fertilize them. The embryos will grow in a quiet place for a few days, then they'll put them into my uterus.
>First week of March - hopefully an announcement that I'm pregnant!
Friday, January 2, 2009
My M&Ms
Oh, my bloggy friends, I have so much to tell you!
Christmas was great - Evie woke up without a fever and had a great time opening her gifts. We had a wonderful day with my family, then packed up and headed to Atlanta to spend time with Chris' family. We had a great visit, Evie played with her cousins, and we had an unexpected phone call that we made it into a February IVF cycle! More to come on all of this later...
But, I'm going to ease back into the bloggy world and tell you about the cute little candy you see.
A few weeks ago, the nice folks who make M&Ms offered to send me a few bags of My M&Ms. Basically, they allow you to make customized M&M candies. You can choose your own colors and messages and... wait for it... PICTURES to be printed on M&Ms. Since Evie's birthday is just around the corner, I jumped on this chance!
The ordering process was easy - I clicked on the colors I wanted, typed in three different messages, and uploaded a photo of Evie. I think these are going to make perfect favors for her party! You know Evie is my little Candy Girl, so imagine how excited she will be to see her own sweet face on candy! My mom saw them today, and loved them - what Grandma wouldn't?
Now I have to figure out how to package them as favors. Any ideas? We're having a tea party theme.
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